Grandmother Cottonwood’s crown

C of Ames, Iowa asks:

Q: How can I learn to be OK with not having a clean and organized home? When people come over, I feel it should be clean, yet it isn’t. This is a societal expectation I am not mastering.

A. Dearest C, you are pressuring yourself to conform to a standard others have set. Go into your heart and ask: What is your deepest wish for your space? Can you separate what you desire from what society expects? How do you want to feel in your space? Is your space mirroring something inside of you? Did Mom & Dad force you to clean and toil without your heart being in it? What is easy for you?

You are ready to make your own rules, to set your own standards. You are the ruler, monarch, queen, empress, master of your space and you are the decider! You are in charge! You are the president, speaker of the house, prime minister! Accept no other authority!

It feels that you are split in two. You want to please others who visit you, yet doing what you feel is pleasing to them does not please you. I am here to tell you to please yourself first and foremost. Decide what pleases you, what is right and effective and easy for you. Do not be swayed to the right or left from your knowing of your needs and desires and your own mind. Do what is right for you and let the autumn leaves fall where they may! If others criticize and complain, maybe they won’t be invited back!